The Gathering: Forgiveness

The Gathering: Forgiveness

This morning I’d like to take a closer look at forgiveness. We’re all familiar and there is a general understanding that it is in our best interest to extend it, but it’s a big concept. There are times when it’s so easy; we hardly have to think about it, and times when it’s so hard we don’t see a way we possibly can. Forgiveness is letting go of anger, but it does not equate to trust. When we don’t give it, we tend to either head in two directions we either do the cut off or the won’t let go. Relationships though, are complex and can rarely be divided into such small boxes, whether it is family, a partner, a friendship, your brother, yourself or with the universe, and the reasons to withhold forgiveness make them even more so.

I have a few relationships in my life where I’m dealing with this now. One where I’m next to completely cut off, but where I still find myself harboring anger, the kind where if the person’s name gets brought up you feel your blood boil. As well as the other, where I find that I keep making excuses for the behaviors I find upset me and yet never really get over them and continue to wait it out for the person to either change or for the thing that finally pushes me over the edge with them.

However, in thinking about this more deeply, I am going to try to forgive. This doesn’t mean that I will start to see this person again, or stop talking to the other all together. For both though, as forgiveness doesn’t happen always over night, I’m going to start to consider few things: 1) What the real wrong was in the situation 2) The other person’s perspective 3) Whether I feel that the relationship is meaningful enough to me to want to continue down the line 4) What it would take to get that relationship where I’d like it to be 5) What it would take from me to be able to forgive.

In my cut off situation, I think the first step for me will be acceptance. I’ve been stuck in a state of anger with this person, kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop and I’m going to stop waiting. I will keep myself distanced because the current/previous state of that relationship didn’t respect my boundaries and stole from my peace. But I will try to refrain from the backlash, the trash talk, the perpetual cycle of anger.

In my won’t give up situation, I think I’m going to – not give up, but back off. Accept that we are in two different places and they are not fulfilling what I look for in friendship. And, I will try to do this right off the hop without anger.

There have been many times that I have had to forgive myself as well, for the wrongs I’ve done, for the I’m sorry’s I never gave and for the forgiveness I never received. As well as the universe for when I’ve felt slighted by it, instead of, if not after, doing things in retaliation against it.

While thinking about forgiveness it occurred to me that sometimes we’re in battle and forgiveness doesn’t feel like an option. For me, I thought about the person that I hold a grudge against most. We all have one or have had one I suspect. And, I have tried to go through the considerations for this person. What I’ve come to realize is that sometimes, it’s worth working through the steps and at least owning where we are in terms of our anger, resentments and forgiveness, that choosing to take the steps forward not in anger but in self-love we’re at least heading our souls in the right direction. Work on forgiveness, and if it’s too painful right now, forgive yourself.

Thanks so much for gathering this week.

#TheGathering