The Gathering: Red Flags

Red Flags: the invisible guide waving madly at us, who seem to only become real with the power of hindsight.

It’s funny how we usually hear people talk about the elusive red flags they’ve found in other people and not so often refer to the red flags they’ve found in themselves, or at least not in that way.

The red flag story usually starts like this...

“Well actually, I guess it all started when....” Or “The first time I knew something was up was...”

But these are usually followed by something like...

“...So I let that slide and then...” or “So I waited it out”

We all know the feeling of a red flag being raised. It’s the sickly feeling in your stomach, the replaying in your mind, often shock, anger, or sadness. But red flags are mysterious, we’ve all seen them and recognize that they’ve happened, but when we face them in the moment, a common knee-jerk reaction is to question whether we actually believe our gut or to go along for the ride. What we fail to analyze is that this is a red flag in us, that we are not in tune enough with ourselves at the given moment. Forget what the other person or situation has presented because suddenly we’re the kind of people who, in these situations, question our own judgment and often sanity or who just get taken for rides. Suddenly, we’re incapable of controlling the steering? And that is the common red flag we find in ourselves: How we react to red flags.

This is not just in romantic relationships, although I’ve told and heard a-many red flag stories. This is in business, friendships, family, decorating: Everything.

“But there have been many times when I’ve had a bad feeling that was wrong...”

Have you? I don’t believe so. Even if what you thought was being said, or being done, was not bang on – we’re looking for intuition not telepathy – there is still a reason for the feeling that needs to be identified and worked out.

“well....that sounds like a whole thing...”

Does it... Well life is a series of habitual actions, challenges, growths, lessons, reasons, and quests, and often how we handle things are a reflection of how we handle most things, and when we handle most things with the attitude that reflection and growth from it is a whole thing then we habitually half ass our was through life. “Slippery slope fallacy” comment, insert here.

The thing is that this is not hard and a lot of us do this by nature, but as with everything doing it purposefully has power.

So here is a rough example:

You’re dealing with a new project whateverer for work and have been sure to respond to their emails in a timely fashion. However, you start to notice that they are not as responsive or attentive when it comes to getting back to you. That is the red flag. You feel it in your gut that something is off about the dynamic.

And the mind reels...

Was it something about the email?

Am I emailing too much?

Do they think the idea is stupid?

Is this a coy game I am supposed to play?

I’m crazy, it has only been a day, who do I think I am?

Well I might be crazy but I will not be in such a rush to reply to them next time...

If they ever do get back to me...

Oh look they got back to me!!

...vaguely.

Oh but they explain – they’ve been very busy – see I am crazy.

And, perhaps you are indeed crazy; I know I am. But that doesn’t mean that your intuition was off in this instance. You see, you were probably bang-on with your first thought. Something is off about this dynamic.

And then there beneath all of the mental anguish we put ourselves through rests the red flags within ourselves. What we need to do is focus on the feeling a little longer before we run away with all of the wrong questions.

#TheGathering