The Gathering: Restart. Rebuild. Start Over.

The funny thing is that starting over is a positive thing; it’s a fresh slate, a new beginning. The not so funny thing is that we hardly ever reach this point without a series of seemingly exceptionally unfortunate events. In order to truly revert to a clean slate, most everything else has to fall apart. And, I mean most everything. And so, when everything is falling apart, it can be hard to fully see it as something falling together. But, that is in fact what is happening.

While everything you have built is crumbling around you, one wall after another, it can be overwhelming to even think of having to rebuild. But the beautiful thing about having all of your walls crumble, is when there becomes less things obstructing your view of the horizon.

But of course we don’t get there quite so easily. When one wall falls down, we hardly go. “ok -completely new slate!” Instead, we feel impaired by the impending work it will take to fix that one wall, and perhaps only in fleeting moments at first, do we start to think maybe things look better without that wall at all. But when you realize that the wall you’ve watched crumble was a supporting wall, it becomes incredibly clear that the damage is too much to just repair. All of the things with which you strongly personally identify. Those are the things effected by that wall coming down. And, the thing about this part, is that as you watch wall after wall fall, ceiling after ceiling cave in, you still think you just might be able to predict the next outcome. And, if you are right in your prediction, maybe that is how you know you don’t have to start over completely – when you can still think you can see where things are going and what you can do to salvage your life. And, if that’s where you find yourself, then yes not the most desirable place to be – but most of us can appreciate that we’re able to see the way.

But no, it is often then as we stand amongst the rubble, feeling lucky to have the few prized possessions we have left, that is when the wind comes, and steals that away too. The things from which we felt comfort, that in some way, though we’d lost so much we felt lucky to still have the few things we did. Most of these things would seem trivial, inconsequencal to someone else, to the person enduring though, this appears worse than the whole house. But this is where the real bare bones come from in starting over. This is where we hit the place where it is no longer the strong personal values and people we have, no longer the things we feel make us feel like us, which we have to feel “lucky” about, and instead what we have to be thankful for, is being alive. To have survived the destruction at all.

Sadly, getting to this place, does not ensure a fresh start. Many people will reach this place and not be able to find gratitude but instead harbour immovable survivor guilt or impenetrable sorrow. Actually, we all do at this point. We all feel as though the whole world could not possibly go on around us as we endure. We all feel as though no one could possibly understand our depth of hurt, anger, loss and betrayal. But then, some of us…if willing, begin to feel the gratitude of life. Of not knowing at all.

Now, everyone’s reactions to having to start over is different, some have to go through motions and others get stuck on one motion. Sadness, anger, unlucky, done wrongly by the gods, etc.

But once we move through those, we start to do other things to try to help us find something to create a new. We get a new thing to replace a certain aspect of the things we lost, we change our hair, we buy a new outfit, we change our name, we find a new job, we …recreate the surface to look more like we want it.

But as we scramble to put ourselves back together we start to see that our destruction has not only affected us, but that instead its effects have reached far and wide. Our closest neighbours’ houses have not been left unscathed, all now have debris in their yard. And, one really cool one from further away, suddenly has your bathtub in their living room. And the scary thing for them is that they never thought it was even possible – not even a thing they ever thought would happen or have to think about - having to have your bathtub in their living room. In fact, by your home being destroyed; a home that looked just as sturdy – if not sturdier than the surrounding homes, now has to wonder about their own foundations and structural soundness. Suddenly there is an insurance boom, some people actually move, while others suddenly see to repairs that they either didn’t actually notice before, or have been putting of dealing with for some time now.

You can’t help but to see things differently. All of the causes and the effects, and you feel the aftershocks. You find yourself dealing with all kinds of things that you never imagined you would be dealing with as a ramification of the initial wall falling, mixed the entire way with waves of hindsight; moments where you thought you noticed things, and you think that if only you had have just got the hell out of there sooner or done something different, you might not have lost or affected so, so much.

This is where the real life lessons come from with starting over. You realize that you have actually learned a lot from this experience, and that there is probably going to be a lot more that you learn as you move forward. It also makes you look around and really appreciate all of the things that can’t be taken from you, including the people and things that stepped up and were there, where you have control, and understanding where you don’t.

Just as there were a series of events that led to the destruction, there are a series of events leading to a creation. And, while that seems scary at first, because you know it can all come down, maybe you’ll go into your next self with reinforced walls and stronger materials; lessons learned now of things that will help you in the next part, help you be smarter, and help you build something stronger than what you ever were, or had, before.

And, after it all, there is no one way to start over but we all can know that the beautiful thing about having all of your walls crumble, is when there becomes less things obstructing your view of the horizon.